The emotional consequences for a child experiencing the divorce of their parents can influence not only their relationships, but their success in school.

According to a recent study published in the American Sociological Review, children of divorce are more likely to have low self-esteem and feel lonely and anxious. Though researchers say that children do not have as many problems in school, according to the study’s author Yun Sik Kim, “From the divorce stage onward, however, children of divorce lag behind in math test scores and interpersonal skills.”

A child’s skills in subjects such as math and in developing friendships may be hurt by divorce because it can make children more introverted. Emotional or financial problems that the parents are dealing with can also be felt by the child. The study revealed that reading scores were not affected by divorce, but that during a divorce, first, second and third graders have lower math scores. This decline was also seen post-divorce.

As a parent, it may be a good idea to instill confidence in your child and show them that you believe they can succeed. A frequently changing environment, such as dealing with a move or even moving between separate households can decrease a child’s focus and ability to create study habits.

Source: KIVI-TV

New York women don’t have to worry about the effects of divorce on their weight as much as their male counterparts, according to a new study. The study revealed that while women are the gender most likely to gain weight after getting hitched, men gain the pounds after getting a divorce. In 2009, according to the New York State Department of Health

, 49,816 couples divorced. Each spouse, however, certainly deals with and adjusts to post-divorce life differently.

The study, led by Dmitry Tumin of Ohio State University, looked at the two years following a marriage or divorce for over 10,000 Americans from 1986 to 2008. In most cases, the weight gain was not very intense nor a health threat.

The study also found that those over the age of 30 were more likely to gain weight after getting married or divorced. Tumin explained, “As you get older, having a sudden change in your life like a marriage or a divorce is a bigger shock than it would have been when you were younger, and that can impact your weight.”

Though the study does not explain the exact reason for weight gain, experts say it can be associated with stress or changes in everyday routine that make it harder to find time to exercise.

Source: US News

Marriage statistics, though revealing some changes over the years, have consistently shown since the 1950s that most couples split after about seven years, according to Boston.com. We know that today couples are marrying at older ages and dealing with different financial worries and divorce laws. So why has this statistic remained? What makes the seventh year different?

A professor of sociology and public policy at Johns Hopkins University, Andrew J. Cherlin, explains that seven years marks a crucial point in the relationship between spouses. By seven years, a couple has a sense of how they work together, how they sort out problems and whether or not those problems can be fixed. Cherlin stated, “Over time, people’s flaws reveal themselves. The positives remain, but the negatives build up. It may be that after a while you realize your spouse won’t be providing for you economically as well as you want.”

Additionally, while a couple may see reason to split before reaching the seventh year, they may not be emotionally or financially ready to make the decision. Raising kids or trying to move up in the workplace may encourage couples to stay together.

According to the New York State Department of Health, New York couples also followed this trend. In 2009, more marriages lasted between 5-9 years in both New York City (8,057 divorces) and the state in total (14,700) than any other duration. While New York has seen a recent increase in the divorce rate by 12% due to the enactment of no-fault divorce, it is still unclear as to how this has affected the median age of marriages.

Marriage counselor Vikki Stark explains seven ways to bounce back from a divorce. Though it certainly takes time for these messages to fully sink in, the earlier you hear them, the better. Here’s what she suggested:

1. Believe that “time heals all:” and know that you will begin to feel better.

2. Accept what happened: understand that the relationship is, in fact, over instead of continuing to work on it.

3. Your partner is now your former partner: he or she now has different concerns, which may not necessarily have to do with you.

4. Know your ex may interpret what happened differently: as Stark states, “the person who leaves often exaggerates any negatives in the relationship to help them feel better.”

5. Realize you may not get the closure you are looking for: your ex may not apologize like you want them to.

6. Change your focus: pay attention to what you are thinking about and worrying about, and try to focus on the future, not the past.

And finally,

7. Celebrate! There are new opportunities that lie ahead, and you never know what can happen.

This week, The Wall Street Journal’s Susan Gregory Thomas examines today’s “divorce generation.” She seeks to explain how her fellow Generation X peers, born between 1965 and 1980, have been affected by the divorces of their parents.

Thomas, whose parents divorced when she was 12 years old, told her husband throughout her marriage, “Whatever happens, we’re never going to get divorced.” “To allow our own marriages to end in divorce is to live out our worst childhood fears,” she explains. Even worse, “it is to inflict the unthinkable on what we most love and want to protect: our children.” Though determined to keep her marriage alive, she describes her and her husband as “wretched, passive-aggressive roommates” before they eventually split after nine years of marriage.

Despite going through a much-feared divorce, Thomas points out that a hopeful difference between Generation X divorces and those of the past is the “friendly divorce,” which she states “is increasingly a trend and a real possibility.”

The popularity of less expensive, more peaceful divorce settlements, according to Thomas, are easier on today’s children. She cites a University of Virginia study that reported that couples who chose mediation over litigation were more likely to discuss their children’s needs and be involved in their lives and activities. She also points to the fact that, unlike during the 1970s, joint custody is permitted in every state. This allows for more stability and less conflict amongst divorced spouses. While children of divorce do sometimes end up getting divorced themselves, Thomas concludes, “We can only hope that in this, we have done it differently in the right way.”\

To read the full article, click here: The Wall Street Journal

Olivia Wilde divorced from her husband Tao Ruspoli after eight years of marriage, though they are still on good terms. She married the Italian prince when she was just 18. She recently explained to Marie Claire the reason for their elopement and eventual split: “Our deal from the beginning was, ‘We’re crazy to do this, but we’re doing it because we’re in love and it makes us happy. The only reason to divorce is if one of us isn’t happy. Life is too short.’

The actress revealed, “The trauma of the whole thing has been humbling, and for the first time, I’m a little bit wobbly.” She stated that divorce, “makes you a more empathetic person, and I think it’s made me a better actress.”

The full article: US Magazine

Since NYS has just recently passed the new no-fault divorce law we have been getting a lot of questions about what that means for what was traditionally known as uncontested divorce.

The answer is little to nothing.  No-fault divorce and uncontested divorce are two entirely different animals.

The no-fault law just makes it possible for couples to get divorced without alleging fault.  A no-fault divorce can still be contested (or litigated) in nature if the parties do not agree on the terms of the divorce.  A traditional uncontested divorce simply is where both you and your spouse agree upon all of the terms of the divorce.

So, I will try to simplify.  You can have a contested or uncontested no-fault-divorce.  On the other hand, you can only have an uncontested uncontested divorce, but you will still be able to allege fault or allege no-fault.

The no-fault law only impacts whether you need to allege your spouse is at fault (adultery, abandonment, sexual abandonment, cruel and inhuman treatment, imprisonment) before the court will allow you to get divorce.

If any of this confuses you and you want to know whether you qualify for a no-fault or uncontested divorce, please call (866) 830-2064 to schedule a free consultation.

A strange fact: Although New York State doesn’t permit same sex marriage, New York court’s will divorce same sex couples.

Our New York divorce lawyers have the experience needed to handle your same sex divorce effectively.  Gay and lesbian divorce is not permitted in many states, and New York court’s have just begun to hear such matters.

If you and your partner were validly married or entered a civil union elsewhere, New York courts will issue you a divorce.

Same sex marriage and divorce is a cutting edge  area of the law that is still developing.  Our law firm has handled many same sex New York divorces successfully.  It is important that you have an experienced New York same sex divorce lawyer on your side to help you through the difficult process of divorcing your partner.

Contact our same sex divorce lawyers to learn about how we can help you get an affordable New York gay divorce by contacting us toll-free at (866) 830-2064.

The New York Times just published an op-ed articles discussing how no-fault divorce is the best way to protect children (and all people involved) from the harmful consequences of divorce.  Unfortunately, New York is the only state in the nation that does not allow no-fault divorce, except under the narrow exception of what is called a conversion divorce where the parties had filed a separation agreement with the court and waited a year.

The article’s author, Ruth Bettleheim, is a marriage and family therapist.  She cites some interesting pro-divorce (or at least pro-uncontested divorce) research that challenges the widely held preconception that children of divorced families are worse off than their non-divorced home peers.  The studies show that this preconceived notion is false.  It actually shows that children of divorced homes are no worse off than their non-divorced home peers, and actually may become more resilient from enduring the divorce process.

Bettleheim also discusses how fault based divorce litigation and child custody battles are horrible for childrens’ well being.  She states that the no-fault (or New York uncontested divorce) way of going about divorce is far more beneficial to children and all people involved.

If you would like to learn if a New York uncontested divorce is a viable option for you and your family, please contact The Law Office of David Centeno, PLLC at our toll-free number (866) 830-2064 now to schedule your free divorce consultation.

Negotiating favorable divorce settlements is an art form.  It takes a high degree of skill and experience to perfect.  A lawyer entering a divorce negotiation not only needs to have a mastery of the law but needs to be skilled in the art of negotiation.  Hiring the right attorney to represent you through divorce negotiations can potentially save you thousands of dollars in your divorce.

A good negotiator can negotiate directly with your spouse if he or she has not yet retained an attorney.  If your spouse has hired an attorney, then you definitely want to have an attorney of your own to negotiate directly with the opposing attorney.  Remember, your spouse’s lawyer represents them not you.  They have their vest interest in mind, not yours.  Don’t fall for a smooth lawyer who claims that he or she has your best interest in mind too.  This is not only a lie, but is unethical…

Having a divorce lawyer on your side during any negotiation process is a plus.  An attorney can be persuasive and achieve results that you didn’t even know were possible.  There is no guarantee that your lawyer will be able to achieve the exact results that you desire, but you certainly will have a better chance at achieving such results with him or her on your side.

A good negotiator can potentially convince your spouse:

• that an uncontested divorce is the best way to go
• to pay you spousal maintenance to avoid a costly contested divorce
• that a compromise is necessary regarding child custody and visitation
• that you should receive a certain asset to avoid costly litigation
• that your spouse should take responsibility for a certain liability or debt thereby releasing you from such responsibility
• that you and your spouse are better off reaching an agreed upon settlement outside of court than leave the results up to the court

If you think that your impending divorce could benefit from having a negotiating lawyer on your side, please call our toll-free number (866) 830-2064 to schedule your free divorce consultation now…