Dating After Divorce

Since I published my New York Times bestselling memoir Perfection in 2009, readers have asked me for dating advice in the aftermath of betrayal. In my own early days dating online, I met a divorced father named Darren Marshall. We weren’t meant for each other as a couple, but he made me laugh during a sad time and he’s got that charming Hugh Grant accent that makes everything sound smart. Darren became a true pal, who gave me no-nonsense advice on how men think. We both did okay after some stumbling — he’s remarried and I’m in a committed relationship of eight years (Yup, I know you’re asking — I’m a bit allergic to remarrying.) We’re not professionals but we’ve been there, right where you are now. Send us your letters! Darren and I will discuss and post our guaranteed thoughtful, compassionate, hopefully useful, and, when appropriate, humorous replies. -Julie Metz

To Darren and Julie:

I never dated before I met my ex at 19. I was loyal and faithful the whole way — even though he wasn’t and the relationship wasn’t always good. It’s just how I’m built and how I feel about marriage and a committed relationship. After his affair, he left me for the other woman and is now marrying her. I was devastated and in shock. I grieved for a while, but threw myself out there to experience what I had never before and to figure out why it happened and more about who I was and what I wanted out of a relationship and life. Through each date I learned more about myself, more about men and more about interpersonal and intimate relationships. I was positive about it, not looking for a long-term gig, but rather to know myself and to experience men and life.

Now, after a period of that, I have slowed and would like to meet someone to spend time with, to share our lives and thoughts, to be intimate with, to experience and to explore with… but, my question now is: How do you know when you are ready? Will the right person just come and I’ll know? Will I feel so comfortable with him and so natural that I’ll just let myself go with it and give myself fully? After what I experienced, how can I be sure what is best suited for me at this stage?

Read More: The Huffington Post