Divorce: how not to turn your ex into your enemy

Four years ago my husband and I separated. But I didn’t seriously bring up the subject of divorce until we met for coffee just before Christmas. We had sorted out our finances in the interim, so there had been no pressing reason to go for the decree. “Up to you,” he said casually. And then, eyeing me quizzically: “Not planning to get married again are you?” He knows I live with my new partner. I replied in the negative. “Well you look into it and I’ll pay half,” he said, before picking up the bill for my scrambled eggs.

As we departed, he gave me a hug. This, I thought, suddenly overcome with sadness, is the man who abandoned me after more than 20 years together; who walked out the same year as my father lay dying and our only child had left home to go to university. I never wanted him to go. And here we were hugging and agreeing to go merrily Dutch on the uncontested divorce.

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