Divorce Questions: Should We Stay Together For The Kids?

Wondering if you should stay together for the kids? Here’s what you need to know, from psychotherapist, rabbi and New York Times bestselling authorM. Gary Neuman. Have questions? Ask in the comments.

Too many therapists think they have the easy answer whether to stay because divorce is often destructive to children or leave because if the parents are happier, the children will be better off.

The facts speak for themselves. Divorce wreaks havoc on children’s lives. It often doesn’t do much for adults either. Second marriages have higher divorce rates than first marriages. And just when you thought it was safe to date, third marriages have a higher divorce rate than first and second marriages. It isn’t long before ex spouses realize that they will be eternally intertwined managing their children’s lives together.

These facts should not convince you to stay in a marriage at all costs, but to try again and again to save your marriage for the sake of your children. Couples commonly divorce after years of turmoil and fighting. For children, divorce is never the beginning or end. Children whose parents are marching toward divorce have already spent most of their lives trying to cope with their parents’ painful dissension. Then when divorce strikes, they lose their sense of family, the very thing they held onto in order to cope in the first place.

Spouses get to that place of exasperation, feeling there is no way out other than divorce. It’s that feeling of, “anything is better than this.” Whereas many who divorce don’t necessarily want to return to the marriage as it was, they do wish they would’ve done things differently or tried again to save their marriage. After seeing their children’s post-divorce angst or their own, they often wonder if there was a better way.

Read More: The Huffington Post