The ‘good’ divorce

The title of this post is misleading: Divorce is difficult and painful for everyone involved, especially kids. I’ve never known anyone to have a “good” divorce, in that way you have a good meal or good sex — even when divorce was the right thing to do for everyone, including the kids.

Divorce is horrible. It is the hardest, most painful thing I’ve ever done. And I had a “good” divorce.

Still, divorce is often better for kids than a deeply flawed marriage, and some divorces are better than others. Divorce can be done well, in a mature way that puts the kids’ needs first. There is a lot of research examining what makes divorce more beneficial — or at least less damaging — for kids.

Here is the main take-away from all that research: Divorce is not permission to hate.

When there are kids involved, you don’t get to throw in the towel and walk away from your ex. You don’t get to stop trying to make the relationship work. Divorce is only a way to change a relationship. You go from married and living together to co-parenting as divorced people living in separate households.

Read More: Berkeley Blog