Top 10 reasons couples divorce

Melanie Rockwell was 19 when she donned the white dress and walked down the aisle, revelling in the day she’d been planning for since she was a little girl. Even though there was some doubt in her mind that the man standing beside her at the altar really was her soulmate, she vowed to stick with him for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do them part.

Seventeen years later — some good, most bad — her marriage was over.

Rockwell is not alone. If statistics are anything to go by, four out of every 10 couples who marry in Canada today will be separated not by death but by that other dreaded d-word: divorce.

In an effort to help those tying the knot in the coming months avoid such a fate, The Sun embarked upon a highly unscientific study of what kills marriages. We spoke to academics and counsellors, and men and women who have themselves been through a divorce.

Infidelity didn’t figure highly in our top-10 list of marriage killers. Neither did financial differences.

While every marriage, and every divorce, is unique, there is some consensus about the biggest marriage killers out there. Our research suggests one of the biggest may in fact be the people sitting in the pews when the wedding march strikes up.

1. In-laws and outlaws

Interference in the relationship by extended family members was the most frequently occurring theme in our discussions with divorcees on what breaks up marriages.

According to Vancouver-based relationship counsellor John Boland, this is not simply a case of shifting the blame for the demise of the marriage onto someone else’s shoulders.

“It’s huge,” he said. “I think extended families can make it very difficult to stay happily married together.”

For a marriage to work, Boland said, the loyalty has to be to the couplehood and not to the extended family.

“But that’s really hard for a lot of people, especially when mother-in-laws or father-in-laws or other family members are undermining the marital relationship.”

The unsolicited involvement of friends and family was a factor in the divorce of Surrey-based rodeo announcer and building contractor Rod MacBeth. MacBeth’s professions took him out of town for days at a time and his ex-wife’s parents didn’t approve of it, he said. This put a strain on their relationship.

“Her parents didn’t agree with what I did, but they’re still great people,” he said. “People tend to listen to what other people think. I like to think I’m my own person and can make my own way, but not everybody’s like that.”

The over-involvement of extended family is also something Rockwell said she has seen put a heavy strain on the marriages of her friends.

“It’s manipulative, it’s premeditated and it’s causing all kinds of ripples because if you love somebody and you care about them, you don’t like to see them hurt. Family … kind of feel like they have that right to kind of walk all over you, and your spouse is standing there like ‘Are you kidding me with this?’ “
Read more: https://www.vancouversun.com/life/Hunting+elusive+marriage+killer/6680805/story.html#ixzz1wOAgM8Pc